Not this year
Journal 15May2018
I've had three deaths in the past month. One a friend, one an uncle, and one person who I did not get along with.
I really don't think these "poor little me" bits are healthy, but my blogging took a hit and I wanted people to know why. Since my companion passed last fall, I'm not dealing well with people I know passing.
The friend wasn't a close friend, just someone I had known for a long time.
My uncle was my mother's older brother. You know that old story about the oldest son being allowed to get away with anything because he was the older son? That was my uncle. He was the troublemaker. Still, he did things mostly right. He gave the world two sons and laid the groundwork for many grandchildren. He was a party guy, but he'd bend over backwards and jump for family and his friends. This was the guy who'd take you fishing and hunting and then help you bury bodies.
And then there was the other person. We kept bumping into each other over the years. There were a few epic arguments. I can't blame it all on her. She did win in the end though. She left special instructions that I be invited to the funeral. What was I supposed to do with that? Say no? Tell her family that I couldn't be bothered?
People passing makes me think of mortality. I'm my mother's caregiver and I worry about her. But I worry about me too. I can't hike and walk like I used to, my feet don't like me and I don't like them. I can hear my joints rubbing against each other, especially in my neck. My handwriting has gotten worse. There are days it hurts too much to type. I spend more time than I should coughing up phlegm. I don't sleep particularly well and that makes me even more paranoid. I'm getting older and I don't think it will end well. My family is long lived but I'm not sure.
These toxic politics have made things worse. I see pagans more interested in making their mark than in nurturing the Earth. I see devotion to the gods replaced by tribal identity. I see the endless oneupmanship and "gotcha" attacks. I see us concentrating on our differences rather than what we share. And I think I have been too big a part of that.
The sun still rose this morning. It was particularly gorgeous, but I only noticed after I took the trash out. I stopped to think then, I had not greeted the sun in more than a month. Thoughts of death pushed thoughts of dawn out of my head. Only happenstance made me notice. That's not who I want to be. That's not what I want to share.
I still have time. I do not know how much. But some.
Citrus mix
“Even if one tree falls down it wouldn't affect the entire forest.”
Last night she bet me I wouldn't do it
Sometimes a certain lady is sneaky
This is a page from the third version of Technopagan Yearnings. There are some formatting differences. Originally published at www.neowayland.com/C1370303428/E20091201142347
Determined to use my weaknesses against me
Like smoked turkey. And sweet potatoes. And fresh cranberry sauce. And fresh baked bread.
Smoked turkey…
Pardon me while I drool a bit.
Why do I do it? Internet debates, emails, and online Pagan groups
This is a page from the third version of Technopagan Yearnings. There are some formatting differences. Originally published at www.neowayland.com/C65989237/E20100218113503
I am what I am - updated
I wrote about it some in Almost the last advocate at Pagan Vigil.
❝Live and let live works mostly. When that doesn't work, KYFHO comes through. But usually there is no one else willing to make a stand. Unpopular religions? I'll defend them to the end until they impose on someone else. Same with political groups. Or rights groups.
The one thing I insist on is that free choice is a cornerstone. Including the rights of the members to walk away if they choose. As long as they do that and don't force themselves on any others, I believe that they are free to do what they want.
ARE, not should be.
Because that is the right I expect for myself, and it's not a right unless everyone else has it too. Otherwise it's a privilege taken at someone else's expense.
Even though it means that I end up defending ideas and practices that I find questionable at best, I can't do anything else and stay true to myself.❞
I won't kid you, there's a part of me that grooves on taking someone down a notch or two using nothing more than logic and their own arguments. I've also been known to go searching, well, not exactly for fights but for places where someone is likely to trip over their own words and pretensions and fights will break out. It's sick, unhealthy, and I try to find other ways to handle frustrations these days.
I also know that it's unhealthy to use kinky sex as a substitute, but them's the breaks.
But when it comes to Pagans and small "L" libertarians, I take it personally. Particularly if I care about the group. If anyone should know about the dangers of scapegoating, it's Pagans. We know that Pagans aren't crouching naked in the bushes, waiting to rape your kids or sacrifice your cat under the next full moon. Or maybe it is the other way around.
But we also know that there are more than enough people who believe that Pagans are there to do exactly that. And it doesn't help that some of us are casual about nudity and sex to begin with.
I don't believe that modern Pagans can let ourselves become that which we might fear. Just because someone calling themselves a Christian did something horrible 1739 years ago doesn't mean we can afford to label someone else a monster today.
The thing is, if we insist that someone is innocent until proven guilty, that's a sword that cuts both ways. It means that we can't allow ourselves the luxury of scapegoats, even in the secret places where they will never know we did it. We'll know, and that will be enough to undo our goals.
I've given up internet debates these days unless it is in a REALLY Good Cause. It's not that I don't want to, the gods know that I want it bad. And I am very very good. My own weird sense of ethics and responsibility insists that I tell my opponents I am good. Or maybe it is just my Coyote-warped sense of humor. Let me share something I wrote in a private email.
❝By insisting that everyone be judged by their actions, I'm also invoking civilized behavior. If I show fair play and they don't play nice, I'm under no obligation to respect their rules as I deal with them. Civilized means that no one can threaten force or try to intimidate someone. Depending on how mischievous I'm feeling, I might even insist on no insults. If they can't compete under those conditions, that doesn't say much for their opinions or their cause.
I just stacked the odds heavily in my favor. I already know I can probably argue most people under the table and three times on Sunday, and that is at even odds.
If someone doesn't "play nice," they just ceded moral authority and I am justified in my actions. No one watching could say otherwise. After all, I dealt with them fairly at first.
Even then, I probably wouldn't "defeat" them or "destroy" them. I wouldn't want to create martyrs. Instead I would defuse them, defang them, render them harmless.
It's hard to scare someone if they are busy chuckling❞
I know, it doesn't say much for my character and desires that I indulge in these confrontations, even if it's only occasionally.
But wouldn't you rather me do it in support of honor than wily-nily? It's a tradeoff.
And the man that I am
Demands what I dream
I am what I am
Yes, that is one of mine. Great for last stands or True Beliefs. For maximum effect, plant your feet, flex your knees, and face things head on. Say it out loud.
When all your choices are bad, sometimes the only choice is to listen to your heart and embrace your dream.
_____
Update - Yes, the Otherkin thing is an example of how I didn't follow these principles. It's also a mild example of what happens when things go wrong. Lesson learned.
Still
Journal 08Dec2017
When someone starts talking about THE truth, it's to exclude the thoughts and ideas they find uncomfortable.
Read More...Jounal 13Nov2017
“Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is.”— Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
She died
When Goya painted this around 1800, the Catholic Church had banned the display of artistic nudes.
Read More...Journal 25Aug2017
≠ ✰ pagan festival season ☿ Mercury retrograde 🌙 waxing crescent moon
>This site never had that many visitors, I never planned for that. Even though I think some of my stuff is pretty good, I held back from putting it out on display. I had a couple of bad years and I stopped blogging. These days my regular readers don't comment very much.
I'm a solitary, Most of my celebrations and rituals are done alone. It's not that I want to, it's just that my established group experience hasn't been very positive. One thing this means is that if my gods aren't chiming in, the only voice I'm hearing is mine. This isn't good. We need our ideas tested by those we trust but may not agree with. So if I want to grow, I have to share what I've learned. Since I work mostly with words and spell-forms in those words, I can't take something to the festival and spread it out.
But I forget. Not everyone has the same tools in their mental toolbox that I do. Sometimes the tools are called different names. Sometimes the toolbox is organized differently. And because I'm used to the things I do and the way I do things, I don't always notice when the tools are worn out and don't quite do the job I expect. I make excuses, I put off trying something new.
Lately when my articles have been good enough, I've experimented with posting links at reddit. The response has been a little mixed.
Part of the problem is my old friend, the symbol mismatch. What I see as practicing paganism today isn't necessarily what the rest of the World sees as paganism. I'm talking about gardening, I'm talking about nudging people just a little more towards truth. I'm talking about greeting the sun with nothing but a pendent. Or taking a quiet moon bath in my backyard. It's not fantastic, it's not romantic, it's not mysterious. It's not highly visible. It's not special. It's not meeting at a festival with like-minded people dressed up in costumes ritual garb. It's just me. It's also going to be Tuesday's article.
My in-town companion still isn't doing well. I've been trying to convince her to go to the hospital. I've been checking on her when I can, but she thinks I'm around too much. Helicopter hovering was how I think she put it.
The garden is still giving stuff. Tomatoes, delicious.
Mom is about the same, although she's resenting the control I have over her life. That's a good thing, but very frustrating for the both of us. She turned 75 this month. It's hard to see her moving with a walker, but at least she's moving. And she still has her compassion and her sense of humor. One day after she has passed, I am going to tell her story.
If anything I'm seeing more politics in paganism now. And it's not even clean politics, if there is such a thing. This is people who have been whipped up to a frenzy and told that if they kill the scapegoat, their deepest heart's desire will be granted for by the Forces of History. Pah.
So I think I need to do something special come Redmark. I need to think about that.
Well, there's a tunafish sandwich that does not yet exist, but is still calling my name.
Jounal 04Aug2017
My companion pointed out to me last night that I've never shown a a picture of my raven pendant on the site.
Read More...Journal 21Jul2017
≠ ✰ pagan festival season AZ monsoon season ☯ waning crescent moon
I had a bit of a scare this week. My blogging program developed a bit of glitch for a while. The idea of having to rebuild five websites and all the connections did not thrill me. This is the fourth major version of the site and it has been tweaked and tweaked again.
When I first started Technopagan Yearnings, I was coding things by hand and I loved arranging HTML modularly. I started using Lifli’s iBlog when I gave TPY and Pagan Vigil their own domains. Since then, Lifli went out of business and I started using RealMac RapidWeaver. I've upgraded from version 5 to version 6 and apparently I should have upgraded to 7.
Things change. As something suitable for the ages, the websites work as they are. As something that I can update and tweak, I need programs to manage. Using something dynamically is different from an unchanging text set in stone. Things change. A good lesson, but I wasn't ready to hear it at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday night after a day of frustration trying to fix the program. I had just gotten my new rhythm in blogging. I didn't want to spend months reconstructing the sites.
I managed a quick trip to Gallup on Wednesday. If you've never been, Gallup is sometimes called the "Heart of Indian Country." There's a lot to see and do there. I was meeting a friend that I hadn't seen in years. He had made a small necklace with red coral. I'm giving it to my companion tomorrow. The red will look excellent on her skin tone.
Speaking of changes, for the first time since the new cable company came to town, I've no cable TV signal and no internet. So as I type this I can't preview and I've no idea when I will be able to post. Hopefully today.
One of my issues with this site and P•V has been providing enough content. That's why I've scaled back the original content and moved this site more to "a slice of life." P•V is now mostly headlines and news clippings. I can't give daily original articles, not and maintain some kind of sanity. Paganism on the web is getting more and more wrapped up with politics and the Great Anti-Trump Crusade. I'm seeing first hand just how poisonous and destructive that is. Not that I support Trump, but removing a legally elected president for no credible reason. This obsession isn't healthy, and it's making some of my pagan friends unravel.
My garden is producing well. Like I've said before, they aren't really your vegetables until you give them away.
Mom is still getting along. She and I are having our disagreements. The other day when I checked on her, we got into discussion on if she should leave things on the stove cooking while she is in the other room. She has ruined one skillet. Bless her heart, when she doesn't see something, she's more likely to forget about it. I want her to be independent for as long as she can, but there are some things I don't think will ever really come back.
Well how about that. I just put in the tag for "Mom" and I thought I would double check the other entries because it came up "mom" instead of "Mom." It seems I use the word "moment" a lot. I didn't realize how much I did.
I suppose I should go do a fast pass through the kitchen and load the dishwasher. Then maybe some breakfast. Then a shower and shave. And then maybe I'll have internet.
Journal 07Jul2017
Journal 23Jun2017
Journal 21Apr2017
☿ Mercury retrograde ☯ waning crescent moon breezy early morning
I've got my tree-planting spot picked out for next Friday. It's a good one this year and less than half a day's drive.It's pretty obvious that sex has been on my mind this week. Part of it is me missing my companion who moved (yes, even though the other one is still here), but a bigger part of it is dealing with the fallout from the Klein verdict. It happens every time there's a sex scandal with pagans. I didn't plan to become a pagan sex advisor on ethics, but looking at my writings on sex, that's exactly what I have become.
I wonder if I could take the trade out in actual sex.
It looks like I'm going to be looking closely at the "in your face" paganism again. I'm not exactly comfortable with that, but I suspect that Someone has nudged again. We'll see how it works out.
Speaking of companions, my local one called me early Thursday morning laughing. "He has your mustache!" She was talking about Adam The Woo, a video blogger we sometimes enjoy with a morning cuddle. He got a haircut.
A very nice lady asked me about the "slice of life" thing again. This blog is more personal than anything else. Yes, I talk about the pagan stuff, but that is only part of who I am. That came up in an online converstation the other day too.
❝I’m not the pagan guy who lives down the lane, I’m a man who happens to be pagan. Also libertarian, straight, a bit of a mutt, and a passionate bibliophile. Those things are aspects of me, but they don’t define the face I show the World. Mostly those things don’t come into play unless someone demands their beliefs trump mine.❞
I didn't talk about masks. Maybe I should have. Sometimes it's still hard for me to know when to filter, espeically when I am not looking at their face.
Today I mail out the invites to my Welcome to Summer feast. It's looking like shish-kabobs this year. And of course the highlight is my bi-annual Hair of the Bear.
Wednesday I was checking on Mom and we got to talking about my malichite bear. She's the one who gave it to me although she doesn't understand what my pendants mean to me. I know she doesn't understand what my relationship with Bear, Coyote & Raven, but she knows I like bears and bear art.
Speaking of Coyote, my current bathroom book is Coyote America: A Natural and Supernatural History by Dan Flores and I am really enjoying it.
Journal 07Apr2017
❝Freedom of religion does not mean deferring to Christianity.❞— NeoWayland
Las Vegas interlude
Journal 31Mar2017
“I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.”— Frank Lloyd Wright
Taproot: Taboo
You're thinking of magick as cheat codes that let you get around universal rules.
Read More...Sex advice
Hold her hands, gently, almost like a caress. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her how you feel when you are with her. Do it again in thirteen minutes, precisely.
Read More...Aside for polyamory - revised
Hearthside
Double Teamed
The hard rain
They want flashy cheap answers to their problems. In easy to swallow pill form if possible. Read More...
Suncrest
You take a plot of land. Now you can grow flowers or vegetables or both. You choose.
Read More...Pardon me while I blink in the winter sunlight and get my bearings
It's true! It's true! The crown has made it clear.
The climate must be perfect all the year.
A law was made a distant moon ago here:
July and August cannot be too hot.
And there's a legal limit to the snow here
In Camelot.
The winter is forbidden till December
And exits March the second on the dot.
By order, summer lingers through September
In Camelot.
