Journal 15May2018
I've had three deaths in the past month. One a friend, one an uncle, and one person who I did not get along with.
I really don't think these "poor little me" bits are healthy, but my blogging took a hit and I wanted people to know why. Since my companion passed last fall, I'm not dealing well with people I know passing.
The friend wasn't a close friend, just someone I had known for a long time.
My uncle was my mother's older brother. You know that old story about the oldest son being allowed to get away with anything because he was the older son? That was my uncle. He was the troublemaker. Still, he did things mostly right. He gave the world two sons and laid the groundwork for many grandchildren. He was a party guy, but he'd bend over backwards and jump for family and his friends. This was the guy who'd take you fishing and hunting and then help you bury bodies.
And then there was the other person. We kept bumping into each other over the years. There were a few epic arguments. I can't blame it all on her. She did win in the end though. She left special instructions that I be invited to the funeral. What was I supposed to do with that? Say no? Tell her family that I couldn't be bothered?
People passing makes me think of mortality. I'm my mother's caregiver and I worry about her. But I worry about me too. I can't hike and walk like I used to, my feet don't like me and I don't like them. I can hear my joints rubbing against each other, especially in my neck. My handwriting has gotten worse. There are days it hurts too much to type. I spend more time than I should coughing up phlegm. I don't sleep particularly well and that makes me even more paranoid. I'm getting older and I don't think it will end well. My family is long lived but I'm not sure.
These toxic politics have made things worse. I see pagans more interested in making their mark than in nurturing the Earth. I see devotion to the gods replaced by tribal identity. I see the endless oneupmanship and "gotcha" attacks. I see us concentrating on our differences rather than what we share. And I think I have been too big a part of that.
The sun still rose this morning. It was particularly gorgeous, but I only noticed after I took the trash out. I stopped to think then, I had not greeted the sun in more than a month. Thoughts of death pushed thoughts of dawn out of my head. Only happenstance made me notice. That's not who I want to be. That's not what I want to share.
I still have time. I do not know how much. But some.
Journal 21Jul2017
≠ ✰ pagan festival season AZ monsoon season ☯ waning crescent moon
I had a bit of a scare this week. My blogging program developed a bit of glitch for a while. The idea of having to rebuild five websites and all the connections did not thrill me. This is the fourth major version of the site and it has been tweaked and tweaked again.
When I first started Technopagan Yearnings, I was coding things by hand and I loved arranging HTML modularly. I started using Lifli’s iBlog when I gave TPY and Pagan Vigil their own domains. Since then, Lifli went out of business and I started using RealMac RapidWeaver. I've upgraded from version 5 to version 6 and apparently I should have upgraded to 7.
Things change. As something suitable for the ages, the websites work as they are. As something that I can update and tweak, I need programs to manage. Using something dynamically is different from an unchanging text set in stone. Things change. A good lesson, but I wasn't ready to hear it at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday night after a day of frustration trying to fix the program. I had just gotten my new rhythm in blogging. I didn't want to spend months reconstructing the sites.
I managed a quick trip to Gallup on Wednesday. If you've never been, Gallup is sometimes called the "Heart of Indian Country." There's a lot to see and do there. I was meeting a friend that I hadn't seen in years. He had made a small necklace with red coral. I'm giving it to my companion tomorrow. The red will look excellent on her skin tone.
Speaking of changes, for the first time since the new cable company came to town, I've no cable TV signal and no internet. So as I type this I can't preview and I've no idea when I will be able to post. Hopefully today.
One of my issues with this site and P•V has been providing enough content. That's why I've scaled back the original content and moved this site more to "a slice of life." P•V is now mostly headlines and news clippings. I can't give daily original articles, not and maintain some kind of sanity. Paganism on the web is getting more and more wrapped up with politics and the Great Anti-Trump Crusade. I'm seeing first hand just how poisonous and destructive that is. Not that I support Trump, but removing a legally elected president for no credible reason. This obsession isn't healthy, and it's making some of my pagan friends unravel.
My garden is producing well. Like I've said before, they aren't really your vegetables until you give them away.
Mom is still getting along. She and I are having our disagreements. The other day when I checked on her, we got into discussion on if she should leave things on the stove cooking while she is in the other room. She has ruined one skillet. Bless her heart, when she doesn't see something, she's more likely to forget about it. I want her to be independent for as long as she can, but there are some things I don't think will ever really come back.
Well how about that. I just put in the tag for "Mom" and I thought I would double check the other entries because it came up "mom" instead of "Mom." It seems I use the word "moment" a lot. I didn't realize how much I did.
I suppose I should go do a fast pass through the kitchen and load the dishwasher. Then maybe some breakfast. Then a shower and shave. And then maybe I'll have internet.
Journal 07Jul2017
Journal 28Apr2017
Journal 21Apr2017
☿ Mercury retrograde ☯ waning crescent moon breezy early morning
I've got my tree-planting spot picked out for next Friday. It's a good one this year and less than half a day's drive.It's pretty obvious that sex has been on my mind this week. Part of it is me missing my companion who moved (yes, even though the other one is still here), but a bigger part of it is dealing with the fallout from the Klein verdict. It happens every time there's a sex scandal with pagans. I didn't plan to become a pagan sex advisor on ethics, but looking at my writings on sex, that's exactly what I have become.
I wonder if I could take the trade out in actual sex.
It looks like I'm going to be looking closely at the "in your face" paganism again. I'm not exactly comfortable with that, but I suspect that Someone has nudged again. We'll see how it works out.
Speaking of companions, my local one called me early Thursday morning laughing. "He has your mustache!" She was talking about Adam The Woo, a video blogger we sometimes enjoy with a morning cuddle. He got a haircut.
A very nice lady asked me about the "slice of life" thing again. This blog is more personal than anything else. Yes, I talk about the pagan stuff, but that is only part of who I am. That came up in an online converstation the other day too.
❝I’m not the pagan guy who lives down the lane, I’m a man who happens to be pagan. Also libertarian, straight, a bit of a mutt, and a passionate bibliophile. Those things are aspects of me, but they don’t define the face I show the World. Mostly those things don’t come into play unless someone demands their beliefs trump mine.❞
I didn't talk about masks. Maybe I should have. Sometimes it's still hard for me to know when to filter, espeically when I am not looking at their face.
Today I mail out the invites to my Welcome to Summer feast. It's looking like shish-kabobs this year. And of course the highlight is my bi-annual Hair of the Bear.
Wednesday I was checking on Mom and we got to talking about my malichite bear. She's the one who gave it to me although she doesn't understand what my pendants mean to me. I know she doesn't understand what my relationship with Bear, Coyote & Raven, but she knows I like bears and bear art.
Speaking of Coyote, my current bathroom book is Coyote America: A Natural and Supernatural History by Dan Flores and I am really enjoying it.
Clean
It's the last bright moon before Summergate, the Lady Moon is entering the Court of Stars and I am ready.
For what I am not sure.
Read More...Journal 07Apr2017
❝Freedom of religion does not mean deferring to Christianity.❞— NeoWayland
Journal 31Mar2017
“I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.”— Frank Lloyd Wright
