Sex & the Modern Pagan
This is a page from the third version of Technopagan Yearnings. There are some formatting differences. Originally published at www.neowayland.com/C65989237/E20081221081203
What I believe and what I think is accepted in the larger “pagan community”
I got an email from someone asking about sex in a Pagan context.
I'm probably not the best person to ask, but I did answer them and I'm going to give suitable answers here. I can't do it without drawing from my experiences and opinions. Some of you might be offended.
Just as I believe that there are different types of love, of joy, and of friendship, I believe there are different types of sex.
Once you get past the petting and snuggling and stroking and oral sex, there's casual sex, that's fucking. That's letting the animal part of you out. Higher sex (for lack of a better phrase) is when you connect on multiple levels. Sex can be holy, but that's higher sex. Fucking scratches the itch. Higher sex gets rid of the itch and gives you a whole new perspective. There is a difference.
I believe that there's nothing wrong with sex and cuddling with friends IF everyone involved is a consenting adult. Emphasis on C-O-N-S-E-N-T-I-N-G. Emphasis on A-D-U-L-T. Consenting adult. Understand? But it is still casual sex, just another aspect of friendship.
Personally I have a simple motto, "the lady always chooses." I may want to seduce someone, but if she's not interested it doesn't happen.
That doesn't stop me from admiring though. Or the flirting. But even there, the lady always chooses just how far it could go.
In a way my motto is a reflection of the Divinity I try to see in every woman. And yes, it's goddess worship. When it works it's wonderful, even if it's not higher sex.
I do believe that some Americans are screwed up with their sexual attitudes. That is one big reason we obsess on celebrity relationships and the exposed nether regions of young starlets. Not to mention that delectable portion of the female anatomy, the breast. Fortunately, we do seem to be growing up.
I strongly believe there's nothing wrong with casual nudity, and I do not believe that nudity equals sex or sexual behavior. I don't agree that nudity constitutes sexual harassment, but for the sake of civility I'll wear pants around those folks not used to it.
But there are two sex issues that frustrate me. Well, two and a half, but I will get to the half in a bit.
First, the sexualization of children. Yes, children are sexual beings but I don't see why there are 8 year old beauty contestants wearing more makeup than a 22 year old would wear club hopping. Blazes, I don't even know why there are 8 year old beauty contestants.
Second, if you promised to be "one and only," sex with someone you didn't promise is cheating no matter what your faith is. It also destroys your honor. Even if you are planning to get divorced, fooling around BEFORE the divorce is final is still cheating. Keep your promises and don't let others break theirs with you.
Understand, I see nothing wrong with fucking. I just don't believe it's an option if you promised someone that you would not. Keeping your honor is worth much more than indulging the biology.
That brings us to the half issue. I've no problem with same-sex marriages, but I have encountered some gays and lesbians who adamantly oppose other alternative marriages. Group marriages, poly marriages, year marriages, all these deserve the same chance as same-sex marriages. Let people choose what they want.
These are my beliefs, but they aren't specifically Pagan attitudes towards sex. I'd be surprised if you didn't find most libertarians felt the same. Probably many people who didn't fall under those labels wouldn't disagree. I would be astounded if you found that all Pagans agreed with my views and beliefs on sex.
Pagan paths do attract more than our fair share of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered. We also attract some alternative sexual practices. Not everyone is open about their sexual choices though, most Pagans are pretty accepting when it comes to how private or public someone wants to be. Officially it's because we're not as dogmatic. I think it's because we're still arguing over the rules. Pagans can be just as intolerant as anyone else. Just as one example. there are Goddess centered paths that are extremely anti-male.
Not all my sexual partners have been Pagan. In fact, I don't have a Pagan sex partner now. And yes, it would be nice, but it is not strictly necessary.
When it comes to magick, yep, I usually shuck the clothes and do the "nekkid pagan guy" thing. Nudity doesn't usually excite me, but magick does, with all the physical symptoms. Despite my body's reactions, I very seldom use a sexual release in my magick.
I'm not the only Pagan who prefers to work nude. It's probably because most Pagan paths are experienced rather than revealed, and sensuality is a major part of experience. That's why some Pagans use ritual garb chosen as much for it's texture as it's color.
A few years back I would have said all Pagan paths are experienced, but that isn't true.
Nudity is not necessary for magick. It's very much a personal choice. It can be distracting and in today's society and can introduce sexual complications (even though it shouldn't). That's one reason why I wear clothes when I work with others or when someone is likely to see me.
Some Pagan rites combine sex with ritual. The best known is the Great Rite, usually performed by a Priest and Priestess in a committed relationship (that higher sex thing again). However, there are symbolic versions. The Great Rite doesn't have to include sex anymore than the Christian communion has to include actual cannibalism.
At the very least, it's rude and insulting to use someone for a sex ritual and not ask them. Consent means they should know before they choose.
I know of no ethical Pagan practice that involves non-consensual sex.
Let me repeat and bold that. Make that in red too.
I know of no ethical Pagan practice
that involves non-consensual sex.
Even in the ones that involve bondage and discipline and power exchange, there's always consent. And if you don't believe me, go read your Gardner and Crowley again.
Some will tell you that there are no Pagan sexual initiations. That's not exactly true, but I know of only a handful. Every one was a single line, which means that the magick could only be passed once from teacher to student, who in turn could only pass it on only once. No moonlit orgies there.
If it's a group that requires sex with the (usually) Priest or Priestess, it's a safe bet that someone is collecting pelts and you can find something safer AND BETTER elsewhere.
If you are uncomfortable with sex and ritual combined, then don't do it.
Finally, you are your own person, no one owns you except you. Sex is something you share with someone you care for and trust. You shouldn't share with people you don't trust or don't like.
Sex and magick can be mind-blowing, but do yourself a favor and keep the sex safe. You'll be glad you did.
I make no promises about the magick…
Posted: Sun - December 21, 2008 at 08:12 AM
