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Occasionally I wandered in where I was not wanted and gave truthful answers.
Sometimes I even did it deliberately. A little disruption now can prevent disaster later.

Sex & consent

For obvious reasons these last couple of weeks, I've been examining my own assumptions about sex and consent. I also studied what women are writing and I talked to some wise women I know.

I think Megan McArdle nailed it.

“There’s something else we notice, something that seems deeply connected to these demands for justice: These women express a feeling of overwhelming powerlessness, even though they are not being threatened, either physically or economically. How has the most empowered generation of women in all of human history come to feel less control over their bodies than their grandmothers did?

Let me propose a possible answer to this, suggested by a very smart social scientist of my acquaintance: They feel this way because we no longer have any moral language for talking about sex except consent. So when men do things that they feel are wrong -- such as aggressively pursuing casual sex without caring about the feelings of their female target -- we’re left flailing for some way to describe this as non-consensual, even when she agreed to the sex.

Under the old code, of course, we had ample condemnatory terms for men who slept with women carelessly, without much regard for their feelings: cads and rakes, bounders and boors. Those words have now decayed into archaism. Yet it seems to me that these are just the words that young women are reaching for, when instead they label things like mutually drunken encounters and horrible one-night stands as an abuse of power, a violation of consent--which is to say, as a crime, or something close to it. To which a lot of other people incredulously respond: now being a bad lover is a crime?

There are some codes of conduct and safeguarding policies out there (hat tip Yvonne Aburrow). However, the people who pay attention to these suggested rules aren't the ones you should worry about. There are also those bound by honor who will find these rules tiresome at best and insulting at worse. That doesn't even include some very un-PC topics

Note - Ladies, if you think you can turn a "bad boy" around, you're almost certainly asking for trouble. If he really is a bad boy, he'll only pay attention to your feelings long enough to get into your pants. If he isn't a bad boy, he's playing you and you shouldn't trust what he says. If you don't put out, he'll find someone else who will. Probably in front of you so he can make you jealous. Believe me, I know.

Obviously men and women have very different views about sex. Men don't necessarily see sex as a commitment or as a relationship. And from the McArdle quote above, younger women don' t have a way to discuss sex except in binary. Either there is consent or not. Evidently sex for some has become a very mechanical act with very little emotional connection. Sex without the emotional connection is masturbation.

Maggie McNeil points out that consent has it's own issues.

I don't have an easy answer. I think there should be more romance and seduction before sex. I don't think the pick-up culture works or is particularly healthy. I think you should have something else to talk about before and after sex. And I would add my two main sex rules, consenting adults and you're off limits if you promised to be someone else's one-and-only.

I'm not done with this subject yet.
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Journal 19Jan2018

Thinking by blogging
It's a little early to tell, but I think the political policing of this blog is over.

Just because I don't like mixing politics with my paganism doesn't mean I am not extremely good at it. But I think the drama is finished, at least this round of it. It consumes way too much time and way too much energy. And just a little can be so toxic.

I'd rather talk about the pagan stuff.

Most mornings I greet the sun. This is a family tradition I got from my maternal grandfather. It's important to watch the sunrise, to give thanks for another day. It may not be my most fancy ritual, but it's the one I practice regularly. That's when I usually eat breakfast. Most mornings I share breakfast with a raven friend of mine. I tell him how the world is going and he scolds me for using raspberries instead of blueberries. He really likes blueberries.

I try at least three times a day to look into the sky and draw all that blue inside me. One great thing about my desert is that there aren't many clouds. One bad thing about my desert is that there aren't that many clouds. Clouds are unusual. But that sky is always amazing. Sometimes the blue is so thin you swear you can see other colors bleeding through the edge.

The weather here is usually mild, it just doesn't change that much. It lends to the feeling of "ancient agelessness." That's one of those things I really can't describe well. While the things you see (sandstone, rivers, canyons) do change over time, they have a feeling of immense time. It's a very strange landscape and it can teach many secrets if you let it. It's like every rainstorm is the same rainstorm. Every sunny day is the same sunny day. The expression may change, but the primal force is the same. When I see the Bright Moon, it's not just a Bright Moon, it's a million million million Bright Moons stretching far back into the past and reaching well beyond the future. It's a Moment, but it's a Cycle that is mostly eternal.

It's something that I don't see expressed well in Western occultism. Just look at how I'm blowing it now. The Moment is the Cycle, but only a small part of the Cycle. We lose that understanding when we reduce time to a straight line.

It is what it is, not what we choose to perceive.
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Our own heart

“Our own heart, and not other men's opinions, forms our true honor.”
— Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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Sometimes humans are silly

Just a picture to brighten your day

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Old discussions

Links to the TWH comment threads on Gavin Frost and Kenny Klein

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No Grand Cause here

I don't believe in them, you see.

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A long hard look

If it works for you and challenges you to be a better person, more power to you. It is not my place to question that, it's between you and the Divine.

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Threats

If you had faith, you wouldn't need threats.
— NeoWayland
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Awake

1 pint Haagen Daz vanilla ice cream dumped into a sixty-four oz thermal mug (yes they exist). Fill up the rest with double-strength Circle K coffee at 2 a.m.

It didn't keep me alert, but it did keep me awake. Sometimes for a couple of days.
— NeoWayland
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Get religion

Sending kids to "get religion" instead of practicing it with them is one of the surest setups for failure I know.
— NeoWayland
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Three sentences

I will give you three sentences and it will undo everything you have said on this thread and leave no doubt that I say what I mean.

People are responsible for their own actions and must accept the consequences for those actions.

I don't care what anyone's sexual taste is as long as they confine it to consenting adults.

Mess with kids sexually and it's time to start chopping off your body parts.
— NeoWayland
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Slice it

When pagans jump up to recite approved scripts to this week's Officially Designated Outrage, they make paganism look silly.

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In defense of Bonewits' work

If his work can't stand on it's own, people will find something else.

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Unrealistic standard

“If anything is clearer to me now with this information coming out about Bonewits, there is far more work to be done with dealing with our shadow sides. Our Elders are not saints. I never expected them to be and I refuse to hold them to that unrealistic standard.”
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Worldproof

“You can't childproof the world. You can only worldproof your children.”
— probably L. Neil Smith, The American Zone
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Journal 12Jan2018

Thinking by blogging

Sympathy is not part of my nature. Fellow-feeling is a gift that I have to work at, so I do. I consider it as restitution for the person I once was.

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Secret shame

Pain doesn't have to be the secret shame that you cherish and keep locked deep inside yourself. Just as joy doesn't have to be beyond your reach. It's all sensation. It's what you do with the passion that will shape your life.
— NeoWayland, Feeling
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“As if withholding belief was a moral crime…”

“I have a problem with this assumption "at the moment the general reaction seems to be to disbelieve abuse survivors." I do not find it to be accurate. Mostly because of what group is being examined to provide the baseline for the general reaction, which I've rarely seen explained.

Every time I see this idea come up, it is used as a weapon against those who desire to have an examined and rational discussion without having to say "I believe." as if withholding belief was a moral crime. That idea that there is a culture of disbelief has been weaponized and used to silence those who ask uncomfortable and disquieting questions.”

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So much for avoiding the topic

I don't approve of older men having sex with young teens, but it has been happening from the beginning.

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Bonewits accused

“Accusations of abuse surface against ADF founder Isaac Bonewits”

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My own werewolf story

But every October, I remember. It's my own werewolf story, with me cast as Henry Jekyll. Dr. Jekyll chose to be Mr. Hyde you see. That's my shame.
— NeoWayland, The TPY blog entry that shouldn't have been
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If this were a horror movie

Now if this were a horror movie, I would have been Tainted By Darkness and I would be hosting the same demon spirit that drove her with an insatiable drive to corrupt the innocent. But it's real life. I made the choices, I have to live with the consequences.
— NeoWayland, The TPY blog entry that shouldn't have been
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Today

🌙 waning crescent moon
light rain early AM

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Man separate from Nature

"Supernatural" depends on the definition of "natural."

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More popular than Jesus

“We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first-rock 'n' roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.”
— John Lennon
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Pain

Sometimes we invite pain and tell ourselves it's for love. Or even worse, if we endure the pain now, we'll be rewarded sometime. When the Other feels like it. If they remember. If they can be bothered to acknowledge the gift.
— NeoWayland, Feeling
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Hurting

When we are hurting, we pull back. We shut things out. We shut our loved ones out. We wrap ourselves deep in our strongest passions. We keep the world at bay.
— NeoWayland, Feeling
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Failure

You can't keep wrapping yourself in the passion for failure and then wonder why you fail.

Cherish your passion and embrace the magick.
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Immediacy

I believe that Paganism offers an immediacy that I couldn't find in Christianity.
— NeoWayland, Why a Technopagan?
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Hollow

I'm the only one who has a key anymore.

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Today

🌙 waning crescent moon
light rain early AM

My high desert is pretty mild weather-wise, I don't note the weather unless it is unusual.
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Revived 06Jan2018

These older blog entries have been reformatted and entered into the current directories

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Next step

The next step depends on the focus of your faith and your choices. It's not enough to be just pagan.
— NeoWayland, Blessed Journeys
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Inestimable value

“The second coming of the Goddess has proved of inestimable value to people everywhere, for it has provided them with a new mythic pattern, a saving story to live by.”
— Caitlin Matthews, from "Sophia: Goddess of Wisdom," Gnosis № 13, Fall 1989
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Today

🌖 waning gibbous moon
Epiphany - Old Christmas - Feast of the Three Kings - Twelfth Tide

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Shamanic weekends

“Whenever I see these ads for shamanic weekends, I'm suspicious. Because shamanic ecstasy is terrifying.”
— Rachel Pollack, from "The Gods of the Funny Books: An Interview with Rachel Pollack and Neil Gaiman," Gnosis № 32, Summer 1994
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Today

Twelvetide - Christmastide
🌖 waning gibbous moon
Twelfth Night - Epiphany Eve

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Sandwiches

You have to enjoy the peanut butter sandwiches. You never know where your next one is coming from.
     — from the private journal of NeoWayland 14Jan2013
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Today

Valiente Day

Lived 04Jan1922 to 01Sep1999 (77). Witch, ritualist, author.


Twelvetide - Christmastide
🌖 waning gibbous moon
Quadrantids meteor shower


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Sunfell Tech Mage Rede Nine Words Serve The Tech Mage Best Keep What Works Fix What’s Broke Ditch The Rest

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