Aside for polyamory - revised
Wednesday, 16Dec2015 Filed in: thinking by blogging⭐︎ sex
I got a very strange email. Two actually. I usually trash emails that tell me I am morally obligated to do something. I also trash emails that tell I’m forbidden from doing something. Since it’s come up, let’s talk about polyamory. No, it’s not part of paganism. No, it doesn’t mean I have threesomes all the time. I’ve never had sex with more than one person at a time. It’s one of the few sexual labels that I bother with. It’s not that I disapprove of labels like gay, lesbian, transgender, and all the others. It’s just hard to see how the label applies to me unless we have sex. I’m not going to forbid you something. Sex is way too much fun for that. But I don’t want you forbidding me either.
I’m a sensualist. I’m wired for sex and sensation. When I see a pretty girl, part of me is wondering what sex with her would be like. When there’s a woman I respect, part of me is wondering what sex with her would be like. When there’s an intelligent woman, part of me is wondering what sex with her would be like. When there’s an intelligent woman with character who I disagree with, I’m horny and I want to fuck her now! Yes, I’m that sex obsessed. Yes, my sex drive is that high. No, I don’t think that’s all that unusual for most straight men.
Part of it is my desire to see a
That doesn’t mean I won’t flirt. I’m human. I’m hardwired to enjoy the preliminaries even if it never goes to sex. That’s what puts me on the out with some RadFems. I’m sexual and I deeply admire the female of the species in all sorts of ways. They don’t get to turn off that part of me just because it doesn’t fit their ideology. I may never pursue it but it’s still there. If they’re beautiful, it’s going to affect me. It could be physical beauty, it could be honor, it could be a passion for dance.
The only way I can honor
With my companions I don’t feel it is romance and love, eros in it’s purest sense. It is a strong connection, each lady brings out something in me that I wouldn’t normally share or even acknowledge. I’d like to think that works both ways. Among poly people we have what’s called a “V”, they are friends with each other but haven’t slept with each other. One of them lives near and one not quite as near. Yes, they have keys to my front door and I have keys to each of their homes.
I do a lot of thinking in the dark & early. Monday I was licking the spot on the back of her neck where it met her spine. She has a small yin-yang symbol there, it’s not quite as sensitive as her aureole but it brings her pleasure and triggers a very contented hum.
For my other companion, that spot is slightly ticklish, that’s all. Her aureole are extremely sensitive though. We joke how she can feel things three inches out.
I can only speak for myself, but I’ve never found myself attracted to just one woman at a time. There’s been times I’ve only be involved with one lady, but the attraction was always to more than one. While we are sexual beings, we’re not defined solely by sex. Looks can be important, sure, but that’s not all there is. Sometimes it’s what I learn about a woman that arouses me. I don’t mean to brag (much), but anyone who can hold their own in a discussion with me gets my attention. If they’re female, that means more attention than I gave at first glance. In our culture, beauty and sex appeal are cheap and plentiful. But someone who knows how to think! Someone who knows and cherishes honor! Someone who’s willing to stand up for what they believe is right even if it’s unpopular! These rare qualities show just how worthy someone really is. That’s when it’s not about the perfect body. That’s when it’s about talking and sharing after coitus. That’s when it’s about the smells and sounds and the way flesh feels in the dark. That’s when you want to spend time with someone you trust and admire.
In my Corporate Clone days, I collected pelts. After the orgasm, it left me with nothing. The connection is what makes sex worth repeating. It’s means there’s a reason to see tomorrow just so you can share it the day after that.
I picked the term companion from Doctor Who and Firefly. It’s less than spouse, more than kith, and more than friends-with-benefits. It borders on romantic occasionally, but it’s certainly not marriage. Nor is it exclusive.
I’m not polygamous. For my definition, that’s one male with subserviant wives. Neither of my companions are subservient, they’d laugh at the idea. I do have polyamorous tendencies. Perhaps I’m limitiing them, but I don’t think either of them is poly.
Polyamory is a “romantic” relationship with multiple people. I’m not real sure about that romantic bit. It’s probably my cross-wired brain, but I don’t think I love in the conventional sense. I'm not sure if I can feel love at all. But it is friendship for a few close friends, and if some of those are ladies and it involves sex, I am certainly not going to say no. I just can't be exclusive about it, it is not in my nature.
I think exclusivity does hurt a lot of relationships, but then I was poly before I knew the meaning of the word. Also think that it is a mistake (and probably one of the greatest crimes that Christianity ever committed) to confuse love and sex and physical contact and intimacy.
I don’t talk about my companions very much in this blog, they deserve privacy. I’m more concerned about theirs than I am my own. And since you already know that I’m paranoid, you can imagine how I feel about publicizing their lives.
Mostly each lady and I have sex at my home. I think that’s partially because I am more comfortable there, but it’s also because the inside of my house is unusual enough to be a haven for each of them. The queen bed in the master bedroom is used mainly for sex and sleeping over. I usually sleep on a twin or in my recliner if I’m having problems sleeping.
Yes there are other ladies. Some are old friends, others are new ones. These days friendship has to happen before the sex. But not before the fantasies.
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