So.

I've been researching. I've been talking and writing people. I've been trying to understand exactly how we got into this mess with sex where seemingly no one knows what is going on.

I think it's simpler, and then we try to make it complicated.

The two most common purposes of sex are fun (including the hormonal rush) and bonding. The problem comes when we confuse these purposes.

If you are using sex for fun, it's not going to be emotionally fulfilling. It won't be the basis of a relationship.

If you are interested in a relationship, you can't start with sex.

People should decide what they are looking for. Each purpose has different goals and measures it's successes accordingly.

Men who are into Game aren't interested in relationships, they want notches in the headboard.

There is a misconception misunderstanding falsehood myth pushed by some feminists that the goal to female sexual empowerment is to have sex often and with numerous partners. This is supposed to be emotionally fulfilling AND fun. It doesn't work that way. Sex without the emotional connection to the other person is just masturbation. I'd argue that real sexual power comes from the discipline.

Is it about your orgasm? Or is it about sharing?

Every thing I have experienced, everything I have heard, everything I have read tells me that the best sex is a bonding behavior. The more you share before sex, the better the sex. And that is going to be my new #1 sex rule.

Sex can be a bonding behavior. Why fuck someone you don't really like? Do you know if you like them or not?

With that in mind, let's look at how modern Americans get sex.

If you are using sex for fun, you may have a couple of drinks to "loosen up." You may go home with someone you've only known for a couple of hours. And since you don't know them, it's going to be hit or miss. You don't know their non-verbal cues and they don't know yours. You don't know what they like to talk about. But that's not what you're looking for. You want the sex. You want the hormonal rush. You want the fun.

But if you start with a relationship first and add sex later to build that relationship, your emphasis is different. You already know things about the other person. You already share things with the other person. And you're won't depend on porn-star techniques to "cinch the deal."

The important thing is to know what you want. Many think they want fun when they want a relationship. Then they wonder why they wind up emotionally unconnected.

Sex can be a bonding behavior. But not if it's just sex.

Know yourself. Know what you want.