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Occasionally I wandered in where I was not wanted and gave truthful answers.
Sometimes I even did it deliberately. A little disruption now can prevent disaster later.

There has to be a better way

This is a page from the third version of Technopagan Yearnings. There are some formatting differences. Originally published at www.neowayland.com/C188389413/E20060825101518

The cycle turns, another step into the abyss

My focus is shot this week. I've a situation at the-job-that-pays-bills.

When I get home from that, it's all I can do to stay on top of my devotionals.

Sharing the Pagan side of my life is hard, I have to think about what I want to say. The political blog, that is easy, most of the time I am just commenting on things that have happened.

But this one, it mostly comes from inside me.

I can feel the old behaviors straining at the bit. It'd be so easy to start wearing the masks again, to keep everyone one or two steps removed from who I really am.

From who I want to be.

Power with instead of power over, it's almost been a mantra for the last couple of weeks.

But Lord and Lady, it would be so easy to reach out and take that control. To start with those power games again. To indulge the cravings one last time, even if it is for the "right" reasons.

I know why this is happening. I know the choice I am being asked to make. It's the test of discipline. Could I do it without running roughshod over those around me? Can I lead without mastering?

Can I do it because they deserve it, rather than because I think I am entitled to it?

Do I trust myself enough to try?

Posted: Fri - August 25, 2006 at 10:15 AM

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A narrow slice of life, but now and again pondering American neopaganism, modern adult pagans & the World.

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