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Occasionally I wandered in where I was not wanted and gave truthful answers.
Sometimes I even did it deliberately. A little disruption now can prevent disaster later.

Sex advice

I hadn't planned on writing this, but I've been having an email conversation. I never intended to be the "pagan sex advisor."

There's one thing you need to understand up front. My brain is cross-wired. The Asperger syndrome is a part of this. Mostly I come across as "normal." But the emotional connections differ.


I'm not sure it is love I feel, or if I can feel love at all anymore. But it is friendship for a few close friends, and if some of those are ladies and it involves sex, I am certainly not going to say no. Just can't be exclusive about it, it is not in my nature.

I think the exclusivity does hurt a lot of relationships, but then I was poly before I knew the meaning of the word. Also think that it is a mistake (and probably the greatest crime that Christianity ever committed) to confuse love and sex and physical contact and intimacy.

That's me from more than thirteen years ago.

Yes, it looks like a cop-out. But love is not my life's defining characteristic. It's trust.

And the only way I know to keep trust is to give it.

Each of my companions brings out things that I do not normally share. I call myself a paranoid hermit for a reason. Part of my emotional baggage is that given my 'druthers, I'd lock the front door and stay in my backyard. But I can't do that. I promised a Lady God that I wouldn't. I have family obligations, particularly to my mother who is still recoving from the accident. I have to pay the bills somehow.

And I have two
wonderful companions. Just being with each of them means that I am more. It helps me stay out of the depression. Sharing part of my life with them while sharing part of theirs is a very intimate connection. Oh, the sex is great. The sex play is even better. But the memory of scent, of skin touching skin, of my spent manhood still engulfed, these are touchstones. That, and anticipation.

Then there's the things I want to talk with them about. Not just pillow talk, but the flowers I smelled, or the breeze I felt, or the book I want to share, or the movie I saw. Beyond the sex, these thoughts are my gifts, and it brings me small joys when I can see their smile when each of them think about it.

Sometimes through them, I perceive the Divine. Oh, I know I've said that I seek the Divine in every lady I see, but that doesn't mean I always find it. It takes that connection, that intimate moment, that sharing that occasionally lets me find the Divine. And when I do, it's wonderful and I can feel light touching the dark parts that I would rather keep hidden. These experiences let me glimpse the World outside myself.

It takes a willing lady that I trust to give me that glimpse.

Sex helps that trust grow.

That's how it works for me.

Hold her hands, gently, almost like a caress. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her how you feel when you are with her. Do it again in thirteen minutes, precisely.
That's the only advice I'm going to give in this post.

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A narrow slice of life, but now and again pondering American neopaganism, modern adult pagans & the World.

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